


Here is my human mating call, "I'm so wasted. I'm SO-Ooh Wasted!"

by TKlounge



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Ambush Date, Awkward Alex Danvers, Awkward Lena Luthor, Coming Out, Confident Alex Danvers, Confident Lena Luthor, Drunk Lena Luthor, F/F, Kara doesn't understand human sexuality but who does really?, Kara wants to mash them together like two Barbie Dolls, Unrequited Crush, Wingman Kara Danvers, confused Alex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22796611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TKlounge/pseuds/TKlounge
Summary: Lena finally gets drunk enough to talk to Kara about her feelings...Kara just wants her sister and best friends to be happy...Alex is confused...
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor
Comments: 24
Kudos: 167





	1. Human Sexuality is Complicated...

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn't serious and is super cracky. Enjoy!

For the duration of their friendship, Sunday night meant movie night for Kara and Lena. It gave two busy women a set time to spend together, a good excuse to forget the world for a while. They had a standing plan, and though Lena sometimes had to work and Kara often had to cancel at the last minute, they both did their best to make it happen. 

This particular Sunday, Kara and Lena had made plans to watch the Matrix. Lena had been horrified that Kara had never seen it or any of the sequels and insisted that it be remedied at once. Kara had bought the food, since she could (and would) eat enough to feed a small army. Lena had brought a bottle of wine that probably cost more than Kara’s rent and an assortment of other drinks besides. They’d sat in companionable silence through the first movie and eaten their pad Thai, sipping delicately on the fancy wine Lena had brought. As they began the next movie, Lena had switched to vodka. With every drink her mood seemed to grow more morose and his tongue a bit looser. Kara had never seen her friend like this, but gamely kept up with her drink for drink. If Lena was going through something, Kara wanted to be there for her.

As the last movie ended, the credits screen for The Matrix Revolutions ran over and over on Kara’s tv screen . All pretenses of watching a movie were over by that point. Kara and Lena lay on the couch facing each other, feet tucked under a fuzzy throw. 

Lena was talking about work, describing a new project in intricate detail and bemoaning the stress it had caused her. Her pale cheeks were flushed pink and her voice was slurring a little as she leaned over to refill Kara’s glass. 

“And I’d really like it to be done by Monday but-“ Lena paused and stared at Kara’s face intently. “Here I am- buzzed and babbling on. You don’t even seem to be feeling it at all!” 

Kara answered in a matching mumble as she began to slouch down further into the couch cushions. “You know I have a high metabolism.” she slurred “And Alex and I grew up together- we both have a high tolerance for alcohol. When we were in high school-“ she launched into a only slightly embellished story about sneaking out with Alex and sharing a single wine cooler with their classmates in the park. “We thought we were so cool until mom caught us coming home with pina colada breath. We got in so much trouble. I don’t know if Mom was more upset that we snuck out or at our terrible taste in liquor...“ Kara stopped ubruptly as she noticed that Lena had put her glass down and buried her face in her hands. 

“I’m so stupid.” Lena said calmly through her fingers. “I’m finally drunk enough to admit it.”  
She turned her bright red face up towards Kara with a knowing look.“You’re never going to like me back are you? I used to think that you were just oblivious to how I felt or that you were just a little dense about feelings in general-“ 

Kara felt almost like she had whiplash from the abrupt shift in conversation. “What?” She asked, honestly confused.  
“You looked so cute telling your story and I like being around you so much… I thought for a second about doing some big speech about how I feel but…” Lena laughed a little ruefully. “Neither of us are going to remember this anyway tomorrow.”

Kara froze, eyes as big as dinner plates. “You like me?”

“I thought it was obvious. I don’t just go around biting my lip at everyone you know.” 

Kara wasn’t sure that was strictly true but- “We’re both so wasted” she began, sounding even drunker than before. “There’s no way I’ll remember anything you say tomorrow but you know, maybe it’s better to stop telling me ALL your feelings.”

Lena looked down at her feet, chewing on her lip, running her hands through the fringe on the throw. She looked like she was about to cry.

“Because of friendship right?” Kara added hastily. “I don’t want you to be embarrassed or anything. You really are my best friend.”

“Yup.” replied Lena with a little pop on the p sound. “Best friends…” She smiled wistfully at Kara and picked up her glass, toying with the rim. “Well I’ve managed to make this the most awkward movie night ever.”

“I didn’t know…you were into women.” Kara said

“Neither did I. I always knew I liked guys but when I got older I realized I liked girls too. There was this girl in college, my lab partner in grad school ...you. And...I even have a little crush on Supergirl if you can believe it.”

Kara kept her face perfectly blank at that. “I can believe it.” 

“I always thought that you’d just know- if you liked girls or guys.”

“It’s not that easy for everyone. I don’t know if you know that Alex just came out recently. Not just to the world but like… to herself? She spent years and years of her adult life being a brilliant badass and not letting herself think too much about her sexuality. Sound familiar?” She teased, bumping Lena’s thigh with her foot. “Human sexuality is complicated...I mean it’s complicated for everyone. You don’t have to have it all figured out.” She reached forward and squeezed Lena’s knee. “Humans like to put sexuality into little boxes, you’re this or that. Straight or gay. There’s so much grey space in between. You don’t have to do label yourself anything. Like me-“

Lena sat up, barely able to disguise her interest. 

“After my last breakup,” Kara continued, “I’ve kind of decided to step away from dating. It all got too complicated and I’m focusing on myself for a while.”

Lena wilted a little at this.

“That’s just what works for me. Alex and Maggie broke up and she’s been struggling with it. But I think knowing that they wanted different things helped a little. I think she could benefit from jumping back in the dating pool.” Kara smiled to herself, an ingenious plan knitting itself together in her head. 

“You need someone who understands what it’s like to be new to dating women. She needs someone who will be upfront with her and can match her in brains. Someone who is as much a workaholic as her who would understand how much time they devote to their passions.” No trace of her drunken slur remained, instead it was replaced with a childlike enthusiasm. 

“Alex?” Lena said wonderingly.

“Yeah! You got on so well while helping Sam. She still rambles on about how nice it was to have someone who understood the lab and weird science talk like you do.” 

“She is truly wasted as an agent or director or whatever it is she is these days,” said Lena slowly. 

“She says the same about you,” Kara said with a smirk “but instead of agent she says CEO. I can’t tell half the time if she wants you to join the DEO and rule it with her or to have both of you quit and start a lab somewhere out in the middle of nowhere so that your research couldn’t be interrupted. Especially by siblings and friends that demand that you take time to step away from the workbench and saddle up to the dinner table.” Kara was practically bouncing in her seat, very pleased with herself. 

“Breaks always broke our rhythm just as we would be so close to a break through.”

“Is a break through the same as when your body shuts down due to lack of food and sleep because that’s the only time you or Alex would let any of us pull you away.” 

“She is quite the lab partner.”

“She’s a wonderful partner partner too. She’s just been having a streak of bad luck with women. First Maggie and then Sam left, not that Sam leaving didn’t affect you too. Alex had gotten so close to her and Ruby that I was starting to root for something to happen there but then Reign happened and I get why Sam needed to leave but it hurt to see Alex break off another relationship right as it was blooming.” Kara rambled. “She loves so hard and cares so much.” She pulled her phone from her pocket and began to type frantically. “... And she is my hero. Who made me want to meet my trials and tribulations with determination. She has taken on so many things for me. So that is why I am going to set you up together. Who would be better for you than the woman who made me like I am today? Who would be better for Alex than the only person who I know that can keep up with her mentally, if not surpass, and can understand needing to work late and canceling because of emergencies.”

Lena felt herself nodding along with each point despite herself. 

“Wait- do you want kids?”

Lena stopped short and stared, “What?”

“It’s a little early to ask but I know it’s important to her to be with someone who wants kids.”

“I want...I mean I think I want kids.” Lena said automatically. “At least one or two.”

Kara beamed at her, tapping her phone screen with a flourish. “Ok! It’s done! I even got you into Le Bernardin. It will be a chef’s tasting menu with wine pared so all you two will have to do is talk. It’s on your calendar for next Sunday aaannnd now it’s on Alex’s! I’m so excited for you two!” 

Lena’s drunk brain chose to focus on the simplest question she had. “How were you able to make reservations at the newest ‘in’ restaurant in NC while having enough alcohol to put a rhino down?”

“I,” Kara jokingly scoffed, “was Ms.Grant’s personal assistant for several years… and… no one ever took my name off the company credit card so it is being held with that. I left a note for Jess to call and switch it to a card under your name. And to cancel it if you decide on something else…Hmm… I will make sure Alex has something nice to wear. Suit or dress?”

Lena’s brain stalled at this question. She mostly has seen Alex in tactical gear or casual wear. 

“Dress? I plan on wearing a suit I think.”

“OOO! This will be so fun!” squealed Kara as she rushed with almost inhuman speed to hug Lena and rushed out still going on about what dress to get. Lena sighed as she sat down and started to wonder what she just got herself into.

____________________________________________________________________________

“Kara, why is there a dinner date on my calendar?” questioned Alex as she squinted at her sister.


	2. Why do I have a date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex: Kara, no!
> 
> Kara: Alex, YES!

“Kara, why is there a dinner date on my calendar?” questioned Alex as she squinted at her sister. She lowered her phone to meet Kara’s eye, abandoning her wine glass on the coffee table. Saturday was historically sisters night, a night for takeout and bad movies and tonight was no exception. They sat together on the couch, eating way too much pizza (Kara) and drinking way too much wine (Alex). Both were only paying half attention to the tv, sitting in companable silence on their phones. 

Kara looked up guiltily from her fourth plate of pizza and gave an awkward smile.“Because you’re going on a date?”

Alex raised one eyebrow. “I am?”

“Tommorrow. At seven pm. At La Barnardian. There’s going to be wine.” 

“And when exactly were you going to tell me?”

“Maybe like five or five thirty? So you had time to get ready. But late enough so you couldn’t cancel without seeming rude.”

Alex balked.“What if I had plans?”

“You don’t!”

“That’s beside the point Kara! You can’t just plan a date for me without telling me! I’m not going out with some stranger!” 

Kara scrunched down in her seat on the couch. “It’s not a stranger.” She pouted. “It’s Lena!”

“Lena Luthor?!?”

“Do you know another Lena? Yes of course Lena! My friend Lena!”

“Does Lena even like women? I didn’t know she was interested in women.”

“She likes both. It’s called being bisexual.”

“I know what bisexual is, Kara! I just didn’t know Lena was.”

“Neither did she! So it’s perfect! You’re both new!”

Alex closed her eyes and tilted her head back, sighing. “Kara, I’m not sure I’m ready to-“

“I was reading dating advice. And it says that the best way to get over someone is to put yourself out there which I knew you wouldn’t do. So I put you out there for you! I told Lena about how things ended with Maggie and about how things didn’t really pan out with Sam and-“

Alex’s head popped up from the couch, “I told you that stuff about Sam in confidence!”

“It came up!” 

“How did it come up?”

“We were drinking, well, she was drinking and I was trying to keep her company. And then she told me all this stuff about being bisexual and liking girls. I think she’s really messed about it. Humans are so weird about sexuality, it’s such a big deal to you. It just reminded me of you and how you acted when you first came out to me.” Kara leaned forward and gripped Alex’s hand, fixing her with an intense stare. “You’re my two favorite people!”

“Kara,” sighed Alex, “Just because we both like women doesn’t mean you get to try and mash us together.” She pantomimed the actions of a child pressing two Barbie dolls against each other. 

“But she likes you Alex!!” Kara fussed “And you like her. I’ve seen the looks that you would give her in the lab when you thought no one was looking your way. The DEO might be lead lined but Lena’s lab isn’t.” She gave Alex a triumphant look. 

Alex grabbed a pillow from the couch to hide her face and groaned. Leave it to her sister to notice something like that in the middle of a crisis. “Kara, are you sure she likes me and maybe not someone else… like maybe you?”

“WHy.. Why w-would you say that?” sputtered Kara. She got up and started putting the leftovers away, avoiding Alex’s questions with busy work. 

“Because I have eyes? And because it’s obvious. She does that absolutely ridicule lip biting thing at you. She filled your whole office with flowers. You spend every Sunday cuddled on this couch. At the last gala she ordered potstickers and fancy pizza to be served with all of the froofroo dishes that are usually served. You were the only one that ate them. She insisted that you take all of the leftovers home. Everything else got donated. “explained Alex patiently.

“I mean…” stumbled Kara, “We’re best friends. She would have done that for anyone.”

Alex rose from the couch and touched Kara’s shoulder. “ She’s never done that for me, or James, or Winn…”

“It doesn’t matter Alex,” pouted Kara “She wants to go on a date with you. She said so.”

Alex sighed. “Fine. I’m not going to ask why you are pushing so hard but just so you know I’m doing this because I love you and there is no other way I’d get to try any of their food.”

“YES!” exclaimed Kara as she did a little victory wiggle dance, grabbing Alex’s hands and forcing her to join. 

“I'll have to get one of the bullet proof suits from the DEO. Should be designer enough.” Alex mumbled to herself. “I’m sure there’s a dress code.” She headed towards her closet and the lockbox that served as her home arsenal. 

“You have to wear a dress though.” Kara corrected. “Like a cocktail dress.”

“You know I hate wearing dresses to things like this. It’s so much harder to hide weapons.” Alex began to make a pile of holsters from her impressive collection. 

Kara stared at her with mounting horror, “You look gorgeous in anything, but especially on a dress. We can go shopping right now or there are a few in the DEO closet that would look lovely on you… Why are you bringing a weapon?”

“Not a weapon,” said Alex, preoccupied. “Multiple weapons. I’m going on a date with Lena LUTHOR. She has an assasination attempt every five seconds. If nothing else I can be prepared and be added security.” Alex added a thigh holster to the pile with a thoughtful look and sipped at her almost forgotten wine. 

“Alex! This is a date! It’s not a bodyguard job! I want you to look nice! Lena is going to look dashing in her daddy suit for you!”

Alex snorted her wine out her nose so violently she almost fell over,starting to choke. Kara carefully knocked on Alex’s back until she collected herself and went to grab a towel. The floor of the closet was splattered in wine and Alex was staring at her with the strangest expression. 

“What exactly is she wearing?” asked Alex once she got her breathing under control and had all liquids away from her mouth.

“One of her power suits? You know like where people take a video of her walking into L-Corp and make a meme of it where someone is singing ‘Daddy daddy daddy daddy’ over the top? I saw it on a news site.” 

Alex could not stop staring at Kara, “What news site?”

“The lesbian one?” Kara sounded uncertain, “You know… Autostraddle?”

“KARA!”

“What? I’m just trying to understand your culture.”

“What culture? Human culture?”

“Lesbian culture.”

“Lena isn’t a lesbian.”

“Fine,” sighed Kara, “Lady loving lady culture, whatever. I’m trying to help. I told Lena she would look wonderful in a suit. It fits her vibe. And I think you’d look amazing in a dress so she can see your legs. I bet she likes nice legs.”

“That’s… You… I…” Alex sighed again, running a hand through her hair, “Fine, you win. I’ll go. I’m not getting a new dress though. I’ll wear the-”

“The green one!” interjected Kara all smiles now. “It gives you cleavage!”

“Sure...the green one. I can still wear the thigh holster. Maybe bring another gun in my clutch…” Alex started to plan her arsenal, mumbling to herself and studiously avoiding thinking of Lena in any kind of power suit.


	3. Like a Normal Younger Sibling

“I’ll be right outside if you need anything.” said Kara breathlessly. “I can be a distraction if you need. But don’t think about me. Pay attention to Lena. Ignore me.” She hovered around Alex, plucking a piece of fluff from the front of her jacket. Alex felt like some sort of overgrown Barbie doll. Kara had picked her whole outfit, from the heels to the dress to the cropped leather jacket she wore on top. She had fixed Alex’s hair just so and made sure she wore her favorite perfume Now they were waiting in the alley across from the restaurant and Kara couldn’t stop picking at her. 

“Kara!” sighed Alex, “Go home already!” Kara’s nervousness was contagious, and Alex could feel herself sweating. 

“NO!” pouted Kara, “I’m going to stay so that way I can help if something goes wrong, or if there is paparazzi, or food poison, or… anything else!” 

“That’s why I have my signal watch or you know my cell phone. And Lena’s cell. And we are literally in public at a very popular restaurant. We will be fine.”

“Ooo!” exclaimed Kara, ignoring Alex completely, “She’s here!”

They turned in unison to see a black car pull up in front of the restaurant. It was stylish and discreet with tinted windows and a smartly dressed driver at the wheel. He parked the car and walked around to open the door. When Lena emerged, they gasped in unison as well.   
Lena was indeed wearing a suit as promised, a slim cut as stylish as her car. It fit her perfectly, cut close around her waist and skimming her hips. It was a deep eggplant color and looked impossibly soft to the touch. Alex felt a strong urge to rub her cheek on it.

“Her suit says daddy but her underwear says mommi…” Kara mumbled in awe. 

“Kara!” 

The color drained from Alex’s face at the implication. She turned to Kara and gave her a playful shove. 

“Don’t use your powers on your best friend-slash-my date. It’s...super weird.”

Lena stood somewhat awkwardly on the sidewalk, having waved the driver away. She shuffled from foot to foot and bit her trademark red lip, looking around. 

“I have to go.” said Alex firmly. “And you have to be more careful. Don’t spy on either of us and absolutely don’t use your powers. Do like a regular nosy little sister- go home and wait for me to call and dish after.”

“Ok. But call me? Promise?” 

Alex gave her a somewhat shaky thumbs up and left the alley without looking back. She went to the corner and pressed the walk button, trying to move with more confidence than she felt.   
Lena’s wandering eyes found her as she waited and they gave each other a little half wave.   
She seemed relieved to see Alex, favoring her with a smile and fussing over the flowers Kara had insisted she bring along. Alex felt Lena’s eyes skim up and down her body and was grateful she had gotten to do her admiring in private. 

“Shall we?” she said, offering her arm and feeling instantly silly. Lena took it and walked with her to the front door, opening the door for them both.

“Miss Luthor!” exclaimed the maitre’d as they entered. “Your private table is ready as requested for you and your...friend.”

“Date.” Lena corrected him cooly, and breezed past with the air of someone used to being served. They were to shown to an elegantly appointed private room with just one table, dimly lit with candles. Alex’s favorite wine was already chilling to the side. Lena pulled out Alex’s chair and took her jacket, dismissing the maitre’d with a wave.

“I thought privacy would be good, considering the circumstances.” Lena said stiffly.

Alex smiled softly, “That’s up to you. I don’t think anyone cares who I date, except for maybe Kara.”

Some of Lena’s tension dissipated as she laughed, “She was rather insistent about this outing for us. I just didn’t think a secret government agent should be in the papers with the headline ‘Lena Luthor out on the town with gorgeous gal pal.’”

Alex blushed at the compliment and rolled her eyes fondly, “I can’t decide if she wants this more for you or me.”

Silence filled the table until the waiter turned up with the first course of raw oysters and white wine.

“I’m not Kara,” Alex blurted out causing Lena to almost choke on the her oyster. “I’m not Kara and I can’t be her for you Lena… If that’s what you are hoping for than I will wingwoman the hell for you and we can go clubbing together. But… on the off chance you actually meant that you like me for me then. I… uh… You are so pretty…”

Lena could see Alex’s eyes mist over as her hands trembled on the wrong fork. This broody woman who encompassed everything opposite of the sunny Kara Danvers did a wonderful impressanation of a patented Kara ramble. The similarities were so obvious at the moment that Lena couldn’t help but laugh at how the words were a statement diswading making a comparison whereas the tone and speed was a shining example of the kinship.

Lena came back to herself enough to see Alex putting her walls back up and starting to ramble about a club they should try after dodging Kara, “... I haven’t been there yet but I’ve been looking some up. I think it’s ladies night so it should mostly be lady liking ladies.”

“Oh Alex, I’m sorry,” apologize Lena, “I wasn’t laughing at you. I don’t expect you to be Kara. It’s just that even though you aren’t related you seem to share the propensity to ramble when you are nervous. You even got the furrowed brow crinkle going.”

“Technically she got the ramble from me,” pouted Alex causing another open gafaw from Lena.

“Wait,” gasped Lena as she pulled together her composure, “What do you mean that we would have to dodge Kara if we left?”

If Alex had rolled her eyes any harder they would have become stuck, “She doesn’t understand the meaning of limits. She dropped me off and didn’t want to leave. I would put money on her lurking outside. Trying to get a look in.”

“She’s….a lot.” said Lena. “It’s kind of what drew me to her.” She picked wistfully at her salad, delivered near silently by the waitstaff. It seemed they took privacy quite seriously here.

“You’re telling me! Did you know she dressed me for tonight? Not bodily but thats only because I made her wait in the living room. She picked this whole outfit!”

“She’s been calling me all week asking what my favorite flower was and was I allergic to shellfish. She’s very invested I guess.”

“It puts a lot of pressure on this date that I don’t really need. I’m sure you don’t either. And this place isn’t exactly my scene.I’ve been using the wrong fork this whole time, haven’t I?”

“Er...yes. It goes from outside to in, and oyster have their own two pronged- it doesn’t matter.”

“I have an idea.” Alex said bravely. She leaned forward to grab Lena’s hand.  
“Should we get out of here? I can shpw you what a date is like when I actually do the planning. It’s not going to be this fnacy- ready for an adventure?”

Lena rose immediately to her feet.   
“I’ll call my driver.”  
Alex joined her in standing, reaching into her pocket and smirking in a conspirtorial way.  
“Wait...I’ve got an idea.”

...  
Kara sipped slowly at her hot chocolate. Alex had told her to go home and be a normal nosy little sister but she just couldn’t. She split the difference and found a cozy little coffee shop across the street. It gave her a clear view of the alley and the front door and a place to wait. She did vow to herself not to use her powers unless absolutely necessary. No X-ray vision, no listening for two familiar heartbeats. Just normal nosy little sister stuff. Just regular spying from a coffee shop stuff. 

She sat upright as she saw Lena’s discreet black car pull into the alley behind the restaurant. It was far too soon for the meal to be over. Nonetheless she saw two figures emerge, pressed close together. Long dark hair and shorter brown hair and a flash of eggplant jacket. They got into the backseat of the car, which was so heavily tinted that they disappeared from view.

K:wtf? Leaving so soon???  
A: Creep! You were supposed to go home.  
K: Are you going back to her house? Together?  
A: 😉a lady never tells  
K: aaaaaaasaaaahhhhhhh  
Tell me everything  
No actually . Tell me some things, no details.   
A: I’m kind of busy at the moment.  
K:!!!  
A: Ok, I’m turning my phone off now. Go home!

Kara quickly guzzled the rest of her steaming hot chocolate much to the dismay and puzzlement of the barista.She sprung from her seat and headed towards the door.This was going much better than she had ever imagined. 

...  
Lena and Alex waited a solid 45 minutes, tucked in the back of the coat check, giggling mischievously over their plan.

“She’s home!” Alex said triumphantly. “She just texted me like 17 eggplant emojis….she does know those are supposed to be dicks right?”

Lena shrugged helplessly and grinned back at her. “I’ll call the driver and have him bring the hostess and the coat check girl back. Pretty easy money, just to leave for an hour and ride around. Glad we found someone with the right hair.”

Alex grinned back. “Don’t rush them too much. I think Hostess has a little crush, and Coat Check girl was giving me vibes too. Maybe they’re going to have the most epic meet cute story ever.” 

Lena looked a little put out. “I didn’t get that at all! No wonder I can’t get a date. I have no instincts at all for things like that.”

“Well I’m a sure thing.” Alex said without thinking. “Oh god- that sounds bad. I mean you know I like women- oh I mean.” She stopped herself. “My bike is around the corner, if you’d want to ride with me. I have a helmet.”

Lena gallantly ignored Alex’s awkwardness and started for the door. “Sounds lovely.”


End file.
